- Roxana Lichinţeanu
Part 3 of My journey to/in Sighisoara
Read a mini series of personal story from ex volunteer of AUM association Roxana Lichinteanu.
A new beginning
July catched us planning the summer camp for children and the arrival of the new volunteers for the Boomerang project. My colleagues from first project were already gone, my roomate too.It felt as a new beginning somehow and I tried to reinvent myself. I was walking every day, doing sport and other physical activities, working how good I could for our project. Thinking of others volunteers coming to the association I felt that I should be in the best shape I can, so I tried to do my best for raising my energy and motivational level. In august, we had new volunteers coming and the summer camps too.
I can’t explain all the good times and memories we had with the children for the two weeks of summer camp. Looking back I feel like I should have had more fun with them and being more open to them. In the end, I’m grateful that I had this opportunity to work/play with young people. I remembered of myself at their age, the young me.
Often I’m thinking what if I would’ve left home in May (when my project part stopped) or what if I would have not come to Sighisoara for an ESC. Maybe it could be different or better? Who knows?
being my own saviour
The last 4 months were more personal for me. I’ve just tried to give myself the space for my feelings and create boundaries with people around me. I found reasons why I deserve to be happy, respected and to trust that I’m the only person I could ever count on. I still get chills when I’m thinking about this, about me being my own saviour, about taking the responsability for my own life, my own decisions and my own state of mind. I got to know more volunteers, to create bounds with them and to learn that each of us has a way of thinking, caring and working. We all are on a beautiful journey to ourselves.
In October 2020, I finished my long term project PLUS – make a difference with my last task which was a marketing research about the asnwers gave by the students in March, when we went i
n school for anti-bullying workshops. My project did two books about anti-bullying and gender based discrimination. The first 20 days of October I spend them as free days when I had the chance to stop working and to spend time knowing myself better by being in a romantic relationship. Another part of life which isn’t taught in University J . The power of being vulnerable and the fears that come out from that are not very easy to deal with it, but I’m getting better.
On 20. October a new project started, my first short term Love Actually. I loved talking about sexuality, about hearing and learning different ideas around the subject. I felt as developing on a personal level too.
In the last years I had some problems with my genital organs and not being aware of what is happening, I just tried to think it was nothing. By focusing on my sexuality, I learned to accept it and also learned a lot, proof that sexual education is important at any age, because it doesnt only talk about health related topics but also it includes the mental and emotional aspect.
As last activity, I played the Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland. It was such a nice experience. It was a very good practice to realise that I can be good in new things, but I’ve to work hard and to trust myself more.
I will never forget my shaking voice, hands or legs when I had to practice in front of my colleagues, but, in the same time, I won’t forget my colleagues’ encouragements and support.
The journey ends
As last activity, I played the Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland. It was such a nice experience. It was a very good practice to realise that I can be good in new things, but I’ve to work hard and to trust myself more. I will never forget my shaking voice, hands or legs when I had to practice in front of my colleagues, but, in the same time, I won’t forget my colleagues’ encouragements and support.
The truth is that I should close this article, but I don’t know how. I have so many stories that I could write a book about my 14 months in Sighisoara. I will put a last picture with me when I was a child, with my father and my mom.
This picture is so important for me. Represents my love, my grief and my gratefulness for my dad. When my father died I lost my voice, my purpouse, I lost MYSELF.
I felt that I will never be the same as before and the truth is that I will never be.
And that’s alright.
Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Jamie Anderson